The ADD Lover

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Comment by Emma Quayle on July 12, 2009 at 7:22am

In my previous relationship my boyfriend would joke that i needed walking whenever i got too hyper :) I find i have trouble and get bored if there isn't enough change. That relationship ended because i told him i was bored. Sometimes i wish i hadn't just said that and had thought about how my wording of how i was feeling might effect him as i think i hurt him quite badly. We're still friends though.

Its only recently that i went to see the learning support guy at uni as i have trouble concentrating when chatting in groups of two or more and couldn't sit still in lectures. I would literally wait outside for as long as possible before i was forced to go in and sit down etc etc. Anyway, we talked about me and then he suggested that i might have ADD or ADHD, as i also find it hard to go to bed - i just see something else i want to do. So now i'm waiting for an appointment with the psyc at the doctors so i can be diagnosed either way. I told my ex about it and he thought that i probably did have it based purely on the fact that when he asked me what the symptoms were, i couldn't remember them! So i still don't officially know whether i have it or not...

I find it hard in relationships to manage my energy. My current boyfriend knows what's going on and is very supporting - i went through a stage a couple of weeks ago where i was feeling really down about it. I would read the symptoms and then everything i did seemed to be an example and i just couldn't escape it! I couldn't see where the ADHD stopped and i began. He kept telling me he loved me for who i am and that my energy was a large reason for why he liked me.

My main problem - and one that has physically left me with a few scars. Is that if things get too tense, especially if i'm with a group of people, i have to run and if i don't, i get angry and smash things up - i had to get my foot checked out earlier this year as i'd kicked a wall and also have a big scar on my knee where i sprinted when i was drunk and fell off a pavement :s
I just don't know how to deal with this or what to tell my boyfriend and friends o do if i can feel that i am getting tense. There are other times when i know how to deal with particular emotions, like needing to do something really fast and set myself a time limit - but when i get this feeling, all i feel is necessary is that i explode and it feels like that is the only way of dealing with it. But surely it isn't?